Here for you
by mfpp
Summary: During her recovery Kensi is afraid of staying behind. Will Deeks be able to calm her? Season 8 One-shot.


_Densi One-shot. Takes place during season 8 when Kensi is out of hospital but still in recovery at home._

 **Here for you**

As Deeks gets home from work this day, all of the windows are dark. Kensi is probably asleep already so he steps in as quite as possible afraid he could wake her. But as he stands in front of the bedroom door a few minutes later and is going to enter the room, he hears someone sobbing inside. He stops and waits some seconds. Then he hears the sound again. Slowly, Deeks opens the door and steps inside. What he sees in front of him nearly breaks his heart:

Kensi, his incredible strong and bold Kenselina lies curled up on the bed with her face to the opposite wall to hide her tears.

"Hey", he says calmly, "What's up, love?"

Kensi doesn't answer. She pretends to be asleep but Deeks knows better, even if he wouldn't see her body trembling as she is still sobbing soundless.

He gets out of his shoes, jeans and shirt, lies down behind her and starts stroking her with his left hand.

"Hey, what's wrong Kens? You know you can talk to me", he tries again. Seeing Kensi crying hurts him badly. Not only because she almost never lets her feelings overwhelm her that much, so when she does it has to be for a very good reason, but also because he just loves her so much so as long as she is unhappy, he can't be happy either.

But what hurts him even more is that Kensi still can't talk about her feelings. Shure, their communication is a lot better than when they started their relationship, but even know Kensi keeps most of her thoughts to herself especially when it comes to her injuries and the - in her opinion way to slow - recovery, which he knows bothers her a lot. He knows that she needs her time and space to get talking and that she wouldn't say anything if he pushes too much. So he keeps waiting silently. A few minutes later, Deeks is still stroking Kensi's back but not far away from falling asleep himself, she starts to talk.

"You wanna know what's wrong?", she asks. Her voice is whispering and tired, but Deeks still can hear some anger out of it.

He immediately is wide awake again, but forces himself to keep calm. He wants to comfort her, wants to know how he could help her, but he doesn't want to make her feel interrogated.

"Yes, I do. Of course I do, Kens. Just tell me what bothers you, so I can help you," he answers quietly.

Kensi turns around to face him.

"You can't. No one can. I'm damaged and maybe I will stay damaged forever. I'm not part of the team anymore, probably won't be ever again. I'm not one of you guys. Not anymore. I'm alone." Kensi is getting louder with every sentence and starts crying again. Deeks puts his hand up, now caressing her cheeks and her hair. Looking directly in her beautiful mismatched eyes he answers slowly but determined:

"Hey, what are you saying? You will be back in the team as soon as you're fully recovered. We're all waiting for you to do so. And you will recover. Don't you see how much better you already are? Everyone sees it. All the doctors say that you recover even faster than they've expected. Just take your time. And please, Kensi Marie Blye, love of my life, please do never ever again even think about that you are alone in anything! I'm here. And I love you. And I'm with you forever, no matter what will happen to us. Don't ever forget this!"

"Promise, Deeks?" Hearing the breaking sound of her voice, Deeks struggles not to start crying himself. Carefully he wipes a tear off her cheeks.

"Yeah, I promise. And I will promise again and again and again until you finally believe me."

One moment he thinks he has convinced her, at least for today. But Kensi is too deep in her doubts already. She had too much time to think about all the worst-case-scenarios and all negative possibilities to let him cheer her up again that easily.

"But even if I get better again, how can you think they would want me back in the field?"

"Why shouldn't they? You are one of the best agents I know. You are badass Blye. And I don't say that, because you are my girlfriend and almost fiancée, …" At this point Kensi tries to interrupt, but Deeks just keeps talking:

"…but because this is my true opinion and because I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. You are strong and fast and skilled, but more important you believe in yourself and in all the ones who deserve someone believing in them. You never stop fighting for the ones who earned your trust, or who can't fight for themselves. Every time you are out there to do your job you do it with all of your heart and energy. That's why I'm proud and thankful to be your partner because I know you will always have my back. That's why we are all lucky to have you in our team. And that's why we're all want you back in the field with us!"

He hasn't broken the eye contact for one second. Neither has Kensi and slowly her tears have dried. One moment Deeks can see a little smile in her face, but it is gone as fast as it appeared because there was one question left in Kensi's thoughts.

"But even if I will be as good as I was before, I will still be nearly one year behind myself. I mean… if I wouldn't have had the accident I would by now be better than I was at the time it happened. And the time I will be as good as I would be right now, I normally would be even better than that. So, no matter how fast I recover, I will never be as good as I could have been."

For a few moments it was completely silent. _Damn_ , thought Deeks, _she really tries to find any possible way to depress herself. Why can't she just be a little more optimistic?_ As she opens her mouth to speak again, he moves his hand towards her lips, pushing them lightly with one finger to stop her.

"Listen Kensi, you are suffering a setback right now, a very severe one too, but that doesn't mean you have to stay behind your possibilities for the rest of your live. That's not how it works. And look, even if it would, there isn't a single person in this world –except maybe some less then a few hours old babies – who hadn't had any setbacks in his life. Look at our team – Callen, Sam, you and me – we were all in the hospital more than one time, had to recover from injuries. But this doesn't mean we weren't good enough anymore after recovering. Or that we weren't how or who we should be. Because all that happens to us – good or bad – is part of us, Kens. And you know what I think? I think most of these injuries don't make us weaker but stronger. I think this isn't just a cliché but the truth. I won't say what happened to you is a good thing, but I'm sure when this is over, and when you have gotten through this, you will be stronger and better than ever before. I know this because I see you every day. I see how you find answers to questions you never asked yourself before and how you solve new problems every day, without giving up, no matter how hard it is. And you do so great Kensi! And struggling and worrying is okay. But I believe that you will get through this. We all do. And until then, we are all here for you. I am here for you!"

When Deeks finishes his little speech the fear and self-consciousness had finally disappeared off of Kensi's face and she reaches out to pull her partner and boyfriend into a tight and loving hug.

"Thank you", she whispered in his ear. As they parted their hug and locked their eyes again she had to ask:

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Every word of it", Deeks answered without hesitation. And then he pulled her close in a slow and passionate kiss.

"I love you", whispered Kensi as they parted.

"I love you too", answered Deeks, before they finally drifted into sleep.


End file.
